Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest,but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for “normal” people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
If it’s true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
Can you cry under water?
If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?
Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails
A Mail from a frustrated victim of chain mails:
I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003 & 2004 & 2005 & 2006
Because of your kindness:
* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.
* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
* I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes. I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sampl! e and try to rob me.
* I also stopped answering the phon! e for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
* When I go to parties, I don’t look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she’s been 7 since 1993…)
! * I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their sp! ecial e-mail program would arrive soon.
* My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.
* Still open to help some from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle property of some hundred millions $.
* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc… now most of those ‘Wishes’ are already married (to someone else)
IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you do not post a comment and suggest at least 12477896 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will SH** on your head today at 6:30pm
I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2003 & 2004 & 2005 & 2006
Because of your kindness:
* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.
* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
* I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
* I don’t leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes. I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sampl! e and try to rob me.
* I also stopped answering the phon! e for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
* When I go to parties, I don’t look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she’s been 7 since 1993…)
! * I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their sp! ecial e-mail program would arrive soon.
* My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.
* Still open to help some from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle property of some hundred millions $.
* Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc… now most of those ‘Wishes’ are already married (to someone else)
IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you do not post a comment and suggest at least 12477896 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will SH** on your head today at 6:30pm
Is it strange ?
Isn’t it strange how Rs. 20/=
seems like such a large
amount when
you donate it to temple, but
such a small amount
when you go shopping?
Isn’t it strange how 2 hours
seem so long when
you’re at place of worship, and how
short they seem when you’re
watching a good movie?
Isn’t it strange that you can’t
find a word to say when
you’re praying,
but you have no trouble
thinking what to talk about
with a friend?
Isn’t it strange how difficult
and boring it is to read
one chapter of
the Bible/ Quran / Gita, but how easy
it is to read 100 pages of
a popular novel?
Isn’t it strange how everyone
wants front-row-tickets
to concerts or
games, but they do whatever
is possible to sit at the last
row in a holy place?
Isn’t it strange how we need to
know about an event for
temple 2-3
weeks before the day so we can
include it in our agenda, but we can
adjust it for other events in
the last minute?
Isn’t it strange how difficult it
is to learn a fact about
God to share it
with others, but how easy
it is to learn, understand,
extend and repeat gossip?
Isn’t it strange how we
believe everything
that magazines and newspapers
say, but we question the words in the
Bible and other holy books?
Isn’t it strange how everyone
wants a place in
heaven, but they don’t want
to believe, do, or say anything
to get there?
Isn’t it strange how we send
jokes in e-mails
and they are forwarded
right away,
but when we are going to send
messages about God, we think
about it twice before we share
it with others?
IT’S STRANGE ISN’T IT?
seems like such a large
amount when
you donate it to temple, but
such a small amount
when you go shopping?
Isn’t it strange how 2 hours
seem so long when
you’re at place of worship, and how
short they seem when you’re
watching a good movie?
Isn’t it strange that you can’t
find a word to say when
you’re praying,
but you have no trouble
thinking what to talk about
with a friend?
Isn’t it strange how difficult
and boring it is to read
one chapter of
the Bible/ Quran / Gita, but how easy
it is to read 100 pages of
a popular novel?
Isn’t it strange how everyone
wants front-row-tickets
to concerts or
games, but they do whatever
is possible to sit at the last
row in a holy place?
Isn’t it strange how we need to
know about an event for
temple 2-3
weeks before the day so we can
include it in our agenda, but we can
adjust it for other events in
the last minute?
Isn’t it strange how difficult it
is to learn a fact about
God to share it
with others, but how easy
it is to learn, understand,
extend and repeat gossip?
Isn’t it strange how we
believe everything
that magazines and newspapers
say, but we question the words in the
Bible and other holy books?
Isn’t it strange how everyone
wants a place in
heaven, but they don’t want
to believe, do, or say anything
to get there?
Isn’t it strange how we send
jokes in e-mails
and they are forwarded
right away,
but when we are going to send
messages about God, we think
about it twice before we share
it with others?
IT’S STRANGE ISN’T IT?
A to Z of Love
Age does not protect you from love but love to some extent protects you from age.
Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
Choose the one who loves you, and not whom you love.
Don’t forget to love yourself.
Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is.
For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes.
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Just three words, “I Love You” , but they mean world to everybody.
Kindness is love in disguise.
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.
Mature love says: “I need you because I love you.” Immature love says: “I love you because I need you.”
Nothing can be as beautiful as falling in Love.
Offerings of love should be made without any expectations.
Precious possessions that a man can ever have, is a woman’s heart.
Quotes are peoples way to express their experience of love.
Rose is the symbol of love.
Set me as a seal upon thy heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death.
There is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved.
Usually a man in love cannot be harsh.
Victory of a heart is the most priced possession.
Within you, I lose myself; Without you, I find myself, searching to be lost again.
X-ray can not reveal a love struck heart.
Yes, is the ultimate word for love.
Zodiac signs are insignificant when it comes to love.
Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
Choose the one who loves you, and not whom you love.
Don’t forget to love yourself.
Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is.
For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes.
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Just three words, “I Love You” , but they mean world to everybody.
Kindness is love in disguise.
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.
Mature love says: “I need you because I love you.” Immature love says: “I love you because I need you.”
Nothing can be as beautiful as falling in Love.
Offerings of love should be made without any expectations.
Precious possessions that a man can ever have, is a woman’s heart.
Quotes are peoples way to express their experience of love.
Rose is the symbol of love.
Set me as a seal upon thy heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death.
There is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved.
Usually a man in love cannot be harsh.
Victory of a heart is the most priced possession.
Within you, I lose myself; Without you, I find myself, searching to be lost again.
X-ray can not reveal a love struck heart.
Yes, is the ultimate word for love.
Zodiac signs are insignificant when it comes to love.
Some Quotes
Forgiving or punishing
The terrorists
is left to God.
But,
Fixing their appointment
With God
is our responsibility
- Indian Army
Updated statement for this…
———— ——— ——— ———— ——
In Software industry
Forgiving or punishing
the Developer
is left to Manager.
But,
Fixing their appointment
with Manager
is our responsibility
Tester
———— ——— ——— ———— —
We all knew that….. but this one is damn good..
Forgiving or punishing
the Manager
is left to Client.
But,
fixing their appointment
with Client
is our responsibility
- Developer
The terrorists
is left to God.
But,
Fixing their appointment
With God
is our responsibility
- Indian Army
Updated statement for this…
———— ——— ——— ———— ——
In Software industry
Forgiving or punishing
the Developer
is left to Manager.
But,
Fixing their appointment
with Manager
is our responsibility
Tester
———— ——— ——— ———— —
We all knew that….. but this one is damn good..
Forgiving or punishing
the Manager
is left to Client.
But,
fixing their appointment
with Client
is our responsibility
- Developer
Few funny answers in answer papers
These are answers, some students have written in their exams…
* A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
* The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon.
All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.
I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
* When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
* Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
* Clouds are high flying fogs.
* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
* Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
* Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
* Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
* “Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”
* “H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.”
* “Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.”
* “Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”
* “The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e,i, o and u.”
* “The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana .”
* “Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa ..”
* “Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”
* “To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.”
* A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
* The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon.
All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.
I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
* When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
* Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
* Clouds are high flying fogs.
* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
* Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
* Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
* Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
* “Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”
* “H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.”
* “Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.”
* “Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.”
* “The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e,i, o and u.”
* “The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana .”
* “Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa ..”
* “Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”
* “To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.”
Profile of a Software Engineer
About me: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone!! Ok…I won’t be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (If you know me “Just stop laughing!!”)
Relationship status : what?
Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.
Age : 10111
Here for: web browsing in company hours.
Children : can’t be (hey, don’t get me wrong here!!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!
Humor : weekly.
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag.
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Drinking : The first is this.
Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog. :-)
Living: Come on, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software engineer? Believe me, I am living!!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)
Webpage: http://naukri. com, http://jobsahead. com, http://monster.com * - Isn’t it Ultimate???
Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.
Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities: Are you crazy?
Books: “How to lose weight in 20 days?”, “How to live a happy life?”, “101 ways to attract a girl”, “Java Unleashed”, “C++ at your footsteps”, Others censored.
Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.
TV shows : can’t afford one.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, burgers and anything available for FREE within 200 meters of my cubicle….
Relationship status : what?
Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.
Age : 10111
Here for: web browsing in company hours.
Children : can’t be (hey, don’t get me wrong here!!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!
Humor : weekly.
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag.
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Drinking : The first is this.
Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog. :-)
Living: Come on, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software engineer? Believe me, I am living!!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)
Webpage: http://naukri. com, http://jobsahead. com, http://monster.com * - Isn’t it Ultimate???
Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.
Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities: Are you crazy?
Books: “How to lose weight in 20 days?”, “How to live a happy life?”, “101 ways to attract a girl”, “Java Unleashed”, “C++ at your footsteps”, Others censored.
Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.
TV shows : can’t afford one.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, burgers and anything available for FREE within 200 meters of my cubicle….
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